Page 10 - August Muse 2017
P. 10


        one was available so I foolishly went                     and ran out of the house, I ran for

        there myself, alone.                                      miles until I got to Sharon’s, I didn’t
                                                                  say a word, I felt awful, dirty,

        When I arrived, he told me that if I left
        him I would die, the problems I had                       ashamed and felt it was my fault, how

        been having with my kidneys was my                        could I lead him on like that?
        body shutting down without him,

         he told me if I didn’t come home I                       What happened? It didn’t seem real,
        would soon be deceased.                                   no one would believe me, so I had a

                                                                  bath with no cold water, just hot. I
        By this point I no longer feared death                    burnt my legs and torso, turning it red

        so although I believed him I stayed                       as I scrubbed myself until the skin
        silent, I was leaving, this was it.                       broke, I had to get him off me. I never

        My silence made it worse, Jason                           told a soul and the rape started to eat
        started to sob, the crying made me                        me alive.

        feel bad but I wasn’t going to change
        my mind, I stood up to leave and he

        hugged me sobbing. I stood there,                         After that I turned to drink, I was a
        not hugging him back, I wasn’t falling                    size ten and drinking ½ a litre bottle

        for this anymore, but that was my                         of Vodka a day, it would help me to
        mistake.                                                  black out and forget, as time went on

                                                                  my drinking got worse and worse.
        He pushed me to the floor as he cried

        and pushed me down with his arms                          I met my future husband a few
        as he pulled my trousers off, he was                      months later, I walked into a

        choking me and It hurt, I thought I                       supermarket to get lunch on a break,
        was going to die.                                         when I walked up to the counter

                                                                  I stopped in my tracks, there was a
        ‘No,’ I cried. He forced himself on me                    handsome tall man, with the most

        as I led on the floor silently sobbing,                   beautiful smile and blue eyes.
                                                                   I guess it was love at first sight,

        I stopped saying no after a few min-                       I was shy and scared of men by this
        utes and led there in shock. I stared                     point but gave him my number

        at the wallpaper, out of the window,                      anyway, I had never been so drawn
        anything to take my mind from what                        to someone before.

        was happening, eventually after what
        felt like forever it was over. He stood                   His name was James, we soon

        up and I pulled my clothes back on
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