Page 7 - August Muse 2017
P. 7


        it out and soon she was clean for two                  could, a few people tried to stop me to

        weeks and finally seemed to have it to-                see what was wrong, I guess I must
        gether. On her second week sober an-                   have looked like I’d been in a terrible

        niversary we were celebrating with a                   accident. The police were called and I
        Sunday dinner for friends, however                     went to live with my grandparents in a

        even though I felt the future was finally              strict roman catholic household.
        something to look forward to that day

        my Mother seemed to give up. She sat                   They raised us the best that they could
        me down and told me she loved me and                   through grief, unfortunately my

        was sorry, at the time I just thought she              grandfather died a year after we moved
        was in a loving mood and apologising                   in from a heart attack and the stable

        for her past behaviour when drinking                   household fell with him.
        and taking drugs, however she wasn’t,                  My Grandmother couldn’t cope with two

        that was the last conversation that we                 rebellious teenagers so my sister went
        ever had.                                              into care and I went somewhere much

        Some people have their last hit and live               worse.
        to talk about it, my mother didn’t, she                There are parts of your life that you want

        died.                                                  to forget and I wish I could forget the
        After mum died life seemed to get                      next 4 years which were uncomfortable,

         harder, I moved in with my dad and his                scary and degrading.
        girlfriend, which lasted about a month                 Jason was a 50-year-old man and I was

        until his girlfriend beat me up for not                14 and I had nowhere to go so I stayed
         eating my lunch, punching, scratching                 with him in exchange for sex. Jason

        and slapping me whilst she slammed                     would beat and rape me, taking
        me into a metal fence.                                 pleasure in my pain, whenever I felt like

        Wasn’t it enough that I had lost my                    escaping he would say;
        mother? Why was life so cruel? How                     ‘Where are you going to go??? Back to

        could she do this to me? I was 9 years                 your crazy Nan?’
        old and couldn’t defend myself.

        I sobbed as she hit me, ‘One day,’ I                   At the time I felt like leaving wasn’t an
        cried, ‘When I’m bigger and stronger I’m               option, how could I escape? He would

        going to come back and have my                         find me; I was stuck.

        As soon as I could get away from her I                 Our relationship was my secret to keep,
        jumped the garden fence and ran                        Jason would remind me constantly that

        across town to my friend’s house, cuts                 I could not trust or tell anyone and I was
        on my arms bleeding and school dress                   terrified of him so I never told a soul.

        ripped, I was scared and ran as fast as I
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